I need to be inspired, in order to feel the desire to want to live in this world. There are days in which it seems a cavernous echoing of energies overwhelms all conscious thought, as though I am a wave unable to dissolve back into its ocean. Positioned in this way within myself, the self feels dismembered and sectioned; all parts see the others' locations, but swelling resolution of inner unity mystifies. 

Nocturnal creative activities seem empowered somehow beyond those realized within the light of day. It is as if the night awakens my soul, and I am, for a short while, freed from the limitations of culture, relationship, and ego. In this quiet place at night, I move within myself to the holy location, and devotedly wait. I sense His Presence, and I yearn for a heightening. This does not manifest a response, so I change my approach, and accept that 'I' am nothing without Him, and that He has to show up. This is because I have found Him out and know that He is 'I', even if it seems otherwise. 

I am here for the lessons of the world. We all are. Our manufacturer requirements are sublimation of all desires, in preference for Him. It is not a game; the gravity of the situation (living life) has corresponding outplays: pain, anguish, remorse, envy, etc. These are the ugly habitual tendencies of the mind, wherein one digs his own hole, and has to figure out the correct mechanism of thought in order to navigate profitably out of it. 

This mechanism is the conscious realization of God's Spirit. How does a thinking, fluid human being, with quirks, history, and resolve figure out how to do this? The answer is found in a specific mental orientation to reality, wherein His Will is the Lens of the mind.

Daily devotional meditations, before the day and after, are a regular practice, one in which it is paramount that the mind's expanded focus be upon Him. I would rather have my focused mind upon His Spirit than on any physical thing, elusive memory, or etheric image. What I desire is His Spirit; His Presence is my living inspiration.

Observations
I am attempting to understand my own proclivity toward tenacity. God uses all parts of oneself to teach through the multi-layered consciousness.

According to Dictionary.com, tenacity is defined as "holding fast, persistence." One might think for himself, and in so doing, become enmeshed in desires of the heart in this way. 

The Divine Carousel Moves East-to-West
As I have progressed in my search for understanding as to who and what I am, I have come to realize something of the why. For example, this notebook belongs amidst a vast library I observe within meditation, which is simultaneously a location that is an altered-state of mind. I enter meditation devotionally, surrounded by Astral Holy Personages who have been invited, and they arrive to guide our ascension inward and upward. Once freed of bodily distractions (ironically by an initial focus throughout the body, or 'body-scan'), we arrive in what seems an endless, vast cave that houses a Living Carousel. The Knowledge moves upon this form from right-to-left, or East-to-West, and is an Unceasing Mechanism.  The Carousel, seen within this altered, meditative state, exudes Knowledge through what I have been intellectually naming "Atomized Spirit" within myself. Overall, I have arrived at this Wondrous Location instantaneously, as if the mind has trans-located itself from devotion to Spiritual Lesson, and wonderingly watched the brilliant, Divine Light carved into this Holy Carousel, move like a flowing river before the landscape of my sight. 

Yogananda and Gandha Baba
In the book Autobiography of a Yogi, P. Yogananda calls this substance that is exuded from Spirit, "lifetrons." He states about an individual named Gandha Baba, that he is able to "attune himself with this pranic force by certain yoga practices, [and] was able to guide the lifetrons to rearrange their vibratory structure and objectify the desired result (54)." 

Meditate with Devotion
My Highest Goal is always the first-hand, personal experience of God within myself. That said, and for some reason yet to be revealed, I am fascinated with the conceptual frameworks of Spiritual Reality, over physical reality: I mean, there is a path that surpasses identity with the physical, of which I am upon. The closest understandable link to an untrained mind about this spiritual path, is the conceptual framework of Imagination - I have stated many times herein that the imagination is a Holy Mechanism. Through use of it in the innocense of the devotional, meditative moment (such as an affirmation/visualization), one may begin to perceive with his singular sight the Light within himself. Overall, I desire to describe my meditative observations through drawing and writing, so that other Western minds who also may have limited, first-hand understanding of Spiritual mechanisms, may see through a contemporary artistic spirit, how Eastern conceptual frameworks are translatable and useable, in order to know the Others felt and perceived within meditative efforts. 

Reality is Not What "You" Think
I have touched the edges of this Divine Carousel, in this meditative, altered-state-of-consciousness. What is revealed concerns Itself with Integration, and moving East-to-West within the Spiritualized Mind, one ultimately understands that Reality, is not what "you" think. 

Source: Yogananda, P. Autobiography of a Yogi. Self-Realization Fellowship, 2014. 

To Be Present in the Now
For myself, devotional meditation upon the Presence of God involves some preliminary work, before deeper meditation. For example, I have always found that the focus of the mind upon and throughout the body's frame, is useful before a singular-upward swing of the mind toward the center of the brows. This results in enhanced clarity within the moment, and as meditation continues, the body disappears from conscious awareness.

The Power of Suggestion
At this juncture, one is no longer 'conscious' in 'normal', waking-reality terms. Instead, the mind is slowed, and paradoxically is in razor-sharp focus. By relaxing and slowing down, one then allows his own mind's focus to linger upon a part of the body in this sharpened way, and he finds that the corresponding sensation to that part increases, and then disappears. This increase of awareness of a part, for myself, seems similar to the 'needles' one may feel when blood rushes back into a limb after it has 'fallen asleep.' Overall, through the power of suggestion and continued focus upon the part, a numbing is induced, and when a corresponding word-command is used within this focus - such as 'sleep now!' - that part of oneself slips quietly from the mind's awareness.

The Portentious, Lighted Tunnel to God
What is left of the mind's experience, once it has 'detached' itself from the physical form, is a pleasurable sensation. For myself, I feel as though I become one with my heart beat, and for a while I allow my mind to enjoy the predictible pattern of the pressurized and flowing motion of the heart. Then, I pull my focus upon this rhythmic pulsing away, and entirely rest my mind upon the point between the eyebrows. It is here, that I see circle-upon-circle move outward from my perceived center; I am in a portentious, lighted tunnel to God.

A Transparent Identity
Devotion ensues with innocent fervor, and memorized affirmations arrive from a distant part of the mind. Repeating these loving and heart-felt words, invokes a corresponding and observable expansion of the landscape of the mind. To focus on one's perception and understanding of God's Presence, seems to always involve a spiritual evolution of one's personal understanding of existence: I am subtley changed in every meditative sitting, with my identity becoming more transparent in my own mind every day. Nevertheless, I forever-perceive that there is 'always more,' and I suppose from a physical-reality perspective, this is just my own simple way of saying 'I see God within my own mind's meditative experience.'

The Invisible and Paradoxical Mind
God is 'Always More.' And, just as 'Like Attracts Like' (and more of the same), one looks at God within his own mind, and is instantly humbled. There is no pride, or petitions for wealth and prosperity. Instead, a great awe and simultaneous reward are realized in the quiet moment that is the experience of Oneness with God. Now, one sits and observes His Presence unfold as an 'invisible and paradoxical mind' that is his own.

The Door as Symbol
The symbol of a door as representative of entrance to a new realm is understood early in one's life. Within the crib, we watch those who care for us enter through this rectangular shape, and we are given reprieve from the hunger and isolation of a long night's rest. As we grow, the meaning of the door also expands unconsciously within our minds, and we realize it is a powerful symbol through which we can act. We can choose to open certain doors, and elect to avoid others. Overall, to 'open a door' within one's own meditative mind, is to intentionally invoke all that is associated with the idea of a door made within this life.

Moving Through the Inner Door
Through devotional meditation upon the Presence of God within oneself, the idea of the Spiritual eye as a reflection of the Centermost Divine Self that resides within oneself is presented. This idea translates in the modern mind as one of an 'inner viewscreen.' For example, in my early months of meditation - only informed by Hemi-Sync and Robert Monroe's description of the mind's inner, meditative realm - I often conceived of this viewscreen as a door. I would visualize my astral body's arms and legs, and watch myself walk up to the door and open it. What happened next was always an adventure, as I did not consciously create anything I perceived, but instead struck naturally the role of "observer/watcher." In this way, along with correspondingly Higher States of shifted-consciousnes, and out-of-body experiences, I realized I was not alone within myself, literally.

Intent Within Meditation
What was presented for my mind's consideration today was the importance of intent within meditation. If we understand that the Spiritual eye is a door through which we may 'step' (ascend), what do we expect to find our condition to be when we move through It? As we have reflected already, the idea of opening an inner door should be that of a whole-hearted adventure, which we observe to be Pure Bliss. Overall, the idea of intentionally centering oneself within his soul's Center to see "the door" and to open it, is to instantaneously and simultaneously experience the Expansive Presence of God's Spirit as his own. This is what I found 'on the other side' of my inner door, and, what this Expanse-Realized-consciously actually is to each of our minds when we arrive at this willful and purposeful act of opening, is a new identity.

Pay Attention to 'Spiritual Input'
The metaphysical search to understand the answers to questions such as, "Who am I? What am I? Where am I going? What is the relationship of man, mind, and the universe?", are all answered within meditation. Who we are is a reflection of what is learned within that focused state, and is only limited in waking-physical-reality by our willingness to consciously clock the epiphanies and synchronicities God's Mind is manifesting unceasingly for us. Although it may not seem likely to be the case to most, to pay attention to these "inexplicable, coinsiding events that speak naturally to the outermost mind', is to be paying attention to Spiritual input in one's life.

Conclusions
Initially, I spent many months learning to meditate in a 'modern' way. Now, I am learning another. Part of my understanding as Truth, is that affirmation is to be used in a devotionally-demanding way within this state. What I mean by this is that it is best for the whole mind to affirm something desired as being already so. For example, "I affirm that all channels of my mind are open to the Higher Mind within me! For this I give thanks, and so it is!" This is an example of positive intent, and when said in the context of deep meditation, one finds the door within himself already open.

Seeing Through Words
​As I employ new devotional methods within my meditative practice, my mind unswervingly navigates the use of new prayers. A mechanism I appreciate within my own mind is the magnetic pull of words upon it. I see through the words to other meanings. Science has shown that this is a natural mechanism of the physical mind - pattern recognition - but as many of my previous English students would profess, words for many are of passing interest, as they require a focus of the mind (and there is a predominance of the absence of a love for reading in youth today).

The Unchangeable is God Realized Consciously
The word that has been bubbling-up within my mind, as a result of its introduction through a new favorite prayer, is "unchangeable." The idea is that the soul itself is unchangeable, and that it is where one's Eternal Identity resides. According to Dictionary.com, unchangeable means, "not capable of being changed or altered." This is easy enough to understand, but one must be able to visualize change in order to conceive of the idea of something that is always the same. Honestly, it sounds rather dull to be unchangeable - except of course, if you are Pure Joy, or God Realized consciously.

The True-Identity-Idea
Apparently - and I understand this through meditative experience - God is Unchangeable. I realize this is True; nevertheless, the idea of the soul as unchangeable caused me to pause. The reason for the pause had to do with the core connection - the True-Identity-Idea - which is one that ensures (once realized consciously through meditation) oneself of his own eternal existence. I suppose this is because personally, "I" votes no to eternal existence in this form, but since we know that God is the Divine Location within which we Live beyond this life, and we love God, there's no way "we" are not going find out everything "I" am led to learn about during this adventure before It shifts gears into another state!

Conclusions
Overall, the soul - this Divine Self - is the eternal and unchangeable part of one's self, and is also the location of the Higher understanding realized through devotional Practice of His Presence.

The "Mind"and God
The idea of phases, within the development of a complete conscious understanding of God's Mind as one's own mind, seems to be the topic for today.

Transparent-Witness-Consciousness
To resolve within the outermost-conscious-self (the ego/personal self), that one's identity now includes an Understanding that is Divine, is in the modern world translated as a state experienced as Universalness. This is a one-pointed, and paradoxically expanded sense (extrasensory/sixth sense), within one's self and mind's understanding. In this particular moment - this meditative, one-pointed-focus-of-the-mind, time has stopped, and the 'now' that is experienced within sees beyond the observing self. This is a Transparent-Witness-Consciousness. This 'you', includes all constructs created through thought. 

Thought as a Living Structure - a Tool of God
Thought, I believe, is just another word for one of "God's Tools." If thought becomes synonymous with the peace, joy, and expansive love within and beyond oneself - that beautiful experience within meditation upon His Presence - then it becomes very apparent that one's life should be improved.

This is because through the effort and intention to be in His Presence - to be filled with The Finest of All - The Most Proufound Real State possibly comprehensible within the mind and all structures of self - is to be One With the Living Spirit of God within oneself. In this way, and through His Presence, thought is realized as a way to express Oneself (within and without).

Focus within Meditation
It has been said in this notebook that you are exactly where you need to be, when you need to be there - always for Higher Reasons. This can be realized now, through meditation. The conscious mind may not understand this in full, but eventually, Higher understanding is available within one's conscious thought. Keep meditating.

The Spiritual Tree
One's inner understanding of conscious physical existence has changed to be likened to a Spiritual Tree, on the landscape of the Grounds of the Kingdom of God. The mind now comprehends beyond this life, and sees existence to include Spiritual Expansion, within the seasons of the Total Estate. 
 
Eternal Life in the Idea of the Spiritual Tree
This Tree that is now a tree is only a symbol for one's understanding of larger ideas that are important. It is not just Large versus large, or Small versus small. It is the Idea of a picture within one's mind that grows beyond the four seasons, years, and life. It is an Idea of Eternal Life, and it is fully understood within the Whole Self, realized consciously through meditation upon God's Presence.

Then, the idea of the tree epanded, and I realized It was Myself, and in that now, 'I' loved the moment more. 

Awareness-of-Another-Awareness
I am very thankful for Hemi-Sync Technology. At the outset, I knew I needed instruction to learn to meditate, and as one might think me to be a 'professional student,' "I" took it upon my self to be my own teacher. The scientific approach to exploring the meditative mind was what I was most comfortable with, initially. I needed meditation to live up to all the promises outlined in the books I was reading, but I was blessed with the desire to pursue within meditation what I had perceived as well - the comforting, loving, "awareness-of-another-awareness" within myself. 

Transparent-Loving-Kindness Toward Self
Over the duration of the first six months of daily meditation - a daily, conscious act of transparent-loving-kindness toward my 'self' - 'I' released all perceived emotional, psychological, physical, and metaphysical weights to 'the Presence/Other' who 'I' sensed within this state. The grief from the death of a loved one had been the precursur to this defining decision to establish a meditative practice, and live in this new way. If you have ever experienced grief due to the death of a loved one, the kindest recourse for your own mind and heart, I believe, is meditation.

Meditate to Know Higher Awareness Consciously
When the conscious mind 'gives-up, and gives-in' - and observes itself transparently - the identity of the individual is now changed. One has postioned himself to now see beyond all limitations he had previously known through his mortal identity, and the state that reveals what had been there all along (a Higher Awareness), becomes a conscious part of the new Whole Self. Now, through meditation, the mind has realized a source within oneself that provides reprieve from perceived 'life-stress," and a way to manifest through himself the peace and Higher understanding that could not be known otherwise. 

The Real Teacher is Within 'You'
And, because this was the case, there was no need for a teacher other than the One who I realize is within me. My mind, my "self," now daily experiences the Spirit of God within meditation, and this has 'overflowed' into a conscious state that perceives Universally. What this means is that conscious perception is now naturally aware of, and informed by Spiritual energies within and beyond any physical perception in the 'now'. Further, it is also a sense all its own. Overall,  I began to experience my meditative consciousness within a new location, one other than my physical body. 

See Beyond Self-Structures, Now
To most easily understand this changed orientation to reality within oneself, is to understand the meditative expansion of the mind to include sensory input from beyond oneself. We all receive information via the eyes, ears, nose, mouth and skin (at least most of us). Further, we know we have a 'mind' - an awareness - and that we make our identity through the use of it. Overall, through the conscious manifestation of Spiritual events within one's life because of meditative efforts, seemingly anomalous extrasensory experiences that the mind cannot explain with only logic, inform it in what at first seems an 'exotic' way. What I mean is that this meditative state realized is an altering of the consciousness into a highly-focused spiritual force within oneself. What occurs when one has become so relaxed in the body and mind, while simultaneously alert-and-oriented, is a mind-state that sees beyond what 'you' have built with your mind thus far in life - it sees beyond self-structures, into a blissful state-of-mind that is Higher Consciousness realized within one's self, now.

Knowing Christ is a transparent attitude - an elevation within the mind that becomes an inner altitude. This relationship of energies is the lifting upward and outward of the consciousness within the meditative sky-of-the-mind, upon the buoyant energy of Higher Love's resonance.

Once realized, the consciousness sits for a natural duration in His Presence, with the length reflective of his own inner understanding. One is best served in his efforts to know His Presence, by consciously affirming in gratitude the constant, eternal Love received. Also, one's personal reception of an eternal gift that is His Presence, locates the mind of the meditator in the Spirit within himself. In this way, every moment is made a masterpiece, a constant culmination and experience of the finest construction within. An inner Palace and Kingdom is consciously realized - a transparent altitude within that is the experience of knowing the Energy of God.