Drawings
01.08.21 Evolution, final image, 14 1/4" x 10 1/4", ultramarine blue powdered pigment, with graphite, on watercolor paper. Please see Work in Progress page for all observations and deconstructions of this work.
Evolution, final image, 14 1/4 x 10 1/4, graphite on watercolor paper, 01.08.21
01.03.21 The Blue Boy, Final Image, 12 1/2" x 8 1/2", ultramarine blue powerdered pigment, with graphite on watercolor paper. Please see the Work in Progress page for notes.
The Blue Boy, final image, 12 1/2 x 8 1/2, ultramarine blue powerdered pigment, with graphite on watercolor paper.
12.17.20 Alice, Final Image, 11" x 15", graphite on watercolor paper. Please see Work in Progress page for all observations and deconstructions of this work.
Alice, 11" x 15", Final Image, graphite on watercolor paper, 12.17.20.
12.05.20 I'm Essa, final image, 11" x 15", graphite on watercolor paper. Please see Work in Progress page for all observations and deconstructions of this work.
I'm Essa, final image, 11" x 15", graphite on watercolor paper, November/December 2020.
11.12.20 This is Paranormal, Final image, 11" x 15", graphite on watercolor paper. Please see Work in Progress page for all observations and deconstructions of this work.
This is Paranormal, Final Image, 11" x 15", graphite on watercolor paper, November 2020.
Chart representative of one's Passage in Consciousness to Higher Understanding. From: Passage in Consciousness, by John Van Auken, pg.4)
10.14.20 Finished, Untitled, graphite on watercolor paper, 7 1/4" x 6 1/2"
I continued working on this piece, and there were some major changes (in my mind), especially just to the right of the largest female face in the lower left hand corner. Most of the work was done on the left side, after I made the last posting and thought I was finished (see 10.01.20 Notes below).
Looking at this work in a slightly meditative, or fire-gazing state (visualize and remember yourself staring at a flame, and in that relaxed state of mind, then look at the artwork), one relaxes and is able to be surprised by what is seen. I still see new images in work done over 25 years ago. Understand though, that what one sees in my work, or anything they look at with attention - well, how one interprets what they see, and the definition that is arrived at, is only a reflection of one's own mind! This is because physical reality is neutral, and all beliefs and definitions one cleaves to are the determiner of how reality is experienced and conceived. One may think they see a drawing by an artist, but in the deeper sense of one's meaning-making, examine and notice your own reactions. Ask yourself how what you are looking at makes you feel, and then ask yourself, What do I have to believe for this feeling to be true? This is the information that one really needs to pay attention to, as it shows one, boldly and clearly, his own belief system at work. At that point, if you don't like your own "observation/reaction," i.e. the reaction is negative, choose to be positive instead, and see how that feels. How you orient self to reality is a choice.
Overall, I am very happy with all that I have learned in the creation of this piece. As an artifact of the meditative process used, it is a bounty of information, as one can see, and when I pull away from the process of drawing, the story it relates as a whole, is reflective of sub or unconscious processes within the mind. What I mean, is that because the word "subconscious" uses the prefix "sub", which means "under or below", one might consciously think that the images are from a place that is "lower" than one's conscious mind. In the framework of personal experience through meditation, I have come to learn that the relationship between the parts of one's mind is as follows:
3 - Superconscious Mind (Higher Mind)
2 - Sub/unconscious Mind
1 - Outermost conscious level (ego/personality)
I have learned through experience in meditation that one may move inward and then upward through the sub or unconscious mind, and access his Superconscious Mind. John Van Auken, in his book Passage in Consciousness: A Guide to Expanding Our Minds and Raising the Life Forces in Our Bodies through Deep Meditation, supports this framework with a picture that is very helpful for conceptualization's sake, especially for those who do not meditate (to the right). Note that there is a symbol of a sun, located above the Superconscious, and this is representative of what has been called "I Am That I Am," by Norman Paulson (Sacred Science, page 129), or is representative of the Light that is seen in meditation, and is perceived by myself as the Source of Self, or Christ Consciousness/God Within self.
What one learns when he truly examines his own reality, through experience, is that the Whole Mind, as I have said before, is only caged within the skull if you believe it is. What one believes determines his reality, and all of the definitions and emotions that go along with any particular belief is his to own as well. Also, I have learned that there is a whole other world of experiences awaiting within oneself, when one looks within while meditating. It is only limited by boundaries set by one's own imagination and intent.
I hope you enjoy the drawing!
I continued working on this piece, and there were some major changes (in my mind), especially just to the right of the largest female face in the lower left hand corner. Most of the work was done on the left side, after I made the last posting and thought I was finished (see 10.01.20 Notes below).
Looking at this work in a slightly meditative, or fire-gazing state (visualize and remember yourself staring at a flame, and in that relaxed state of mind, then look at the artwork), one relaxes and is able to be surprised by what is seen. I still see new images in work done over 25 years ago. Understand though, that what one sees in my work, or anything they look at with attention - well, how one interprets what they see, and the definition that is arrived at, is only a reflection of one's own mind! This is because physical reality is neutral, and all beliefs and definitions one cleaves to are the determiner of how reality is experienced and conceived. One may think they see a drawing by an artist, but in the deeper sense of one's meaning-making, examine and notice your own reactions. Ask yourself how what you are looking at makes you feel, and then ask yourself, What do I have to believe for this feeling to be true? This is the information that one really needs to pay attention to, as it shows one, boldly and clearly, his own belief system at work. At that point, if you don't like your own "observation/reaction," i.e. the reaction is negative, choose to be positive instead, and see how that feels. How you orient self to reality is a choice.
Overall, I am very happy with all that I have learned in the creation of this piece. As an artifact of the meditative process used, it is a bounty of information, as one can see, and when I pull away from the process of drawing, the story it relates as a whole, is reflective of sub or unconscious processes within the mind. What I mean, is that because the word "subconscious" uses the prefix "sub", which means "under or below", one might consciously think that the images are from a place that is "lower" than one's conscious mind. In the framework of personal experience through meditation, I have come to learn that the relationship between the parts of one's mind is as follows:
3 - Superconscious Mind (Higher Mind)
2 - Sub/unconscious Mind
1 - Outermost conscious level (ego/personality)
I have learned through experience in meditation that one may move inward and then upward through the sub or unconscious mind, and access his Superconscious Mind. John Van Auken, in his book Passage in Consciousness: A Guide to Expanding Our Minds and Raising the Life Forces in Our Bodies through Deep Meditation, supports this framework with a picture that is very helpful for conceptualization's sake, especially for those who do not meditate (to the right). Note that there is a symbol of a sun, located above the Superconscious, and this is representative of what has been called "I Am That I Am," by Norman Paulson (Sacred Science, page 129), or is representative of the Light that is seen in meditation, and is perceived by myself as the Source of Self, or Christ Consciousness/God Within self.
What one learns when he truly examines his own reality, through experience, is that the Whole Mind, as I have said before, is only caged within the skull if you believe it is. What one believes determines his reality, and all of the definitions and emotions that go along with any particular belief is his to own as well. Also, I have learned that there is a whole other world of experiences awaiting within oneself, when one looks within while meditating. It is only limited by boundaries set by one's own imagination and intent.
I hope you enjoy the drawing!
10.14.20 Final Image, Untitled,
7 1/4" x 6 1/2", graphite on watercolor paper.
10/6/20: Finished - Untitled, 7 1/4" x 6 1/2", graphite on watercolor paper (I thought this work was complete, but found myself continuing to sit in front of it. Please see final note and image above).
A slowing of time within the perception of an expanded state of awareness.
While in the state of Heightened Awareness, through one-pointed focus, the experience of this drawing was unique. Specifically, I found characters "suddenly become obvious," in complete form, and simultaneously felt an expansion of my awareness., of which I felt increasingly aware of the moment of now. This was unique in that it seemed as though time changed; it was not just being "surfed," but actually felt as if it slowed. And, I saw through whole, completed characters, before I ever touched my pencil to the line. And these characters hovered in place, as if waiting upon my focus to each of their parts. It was like how it feels when you consciously realize something you were blind to. An ongoing, lovely epiphany.
A great example of a visual representation of how this expansion feels, and what it translates as upon the paper, in regard to character type, is seen in the central female, within the Lower Left Corner detail. She seems to have her left arm held straight out to her side, blocking a couple of characters from the supplicating woman on the right. Also, I read her right arm reaching forward and touching the woman again, at her right foot. None of this is planned. I just sit and watch what appears, with the majority of pieces and parts suddenly vibrating in my awareness and upon the paper at the same time. And, synchronistically, they always fit together in some relational way in my mind. I struck a steady pace, and was informed as I watched I always had just what I needed, when I needed it. As a result, there is so much information within this work, that it feels a challenge to read it as one whole. Overall, the drawing feels like it is telling me a story.
Spirit of God as the Anchor
Attaining an anchor within oneself is necessary, in order to understand how it feels to be experiencing physical reality, from the expanded view of one-pointed vision. The anchor for myself, is the realization of the Presence of God's Spirit within myself. I added a quote on the Home Page, that mentions this idea of singularity of vision, and the result for the experiencer of this sight. While Jesus was on earth, it was recorded by His followers that He said, "If thine eye be single, thy body will be filled with Light." The dependent clause, "If they eye be single," is a reference to the visual field experienced within meditation. The independent clause, "thy body will be filled with Light," is a reference to the awakening of consciousness to the single vision of spiritual reality, and if you have that singular spiritual vision, you can see this Light within the body - through meditation.
Through focus of the consciousness upon the Higher Place within, that one ascends toward, self-consciousness easily falls away, and what is left is a place within that is a Lighted Realm - the Spiritual Kingdom within oneself. (Things do not remain dark just because the eyes are closed!) Light is capitalized, as it represents the Spirit of God, and is the Ultimate Illumination of the Mind. The Kingdom of Heaven truly is within oneself, and this is literally understood through meditation and intent. This is a part of understanding that comes with a meditation practice. "If
Drawing as storytelling mechanism. The Higher Mind informs through subconscious imagery.
An overarching theme in the story of these characters, is the connection to Higher Mind, as indicated by a small arm reaching upward in the lower section of the Upper Left Corner detail. It was not until the last hour or so that this character, which stands to the right of the largest woman in the Left Lower Corner, that it became visible. Higher Mind is represented in the Upper Right Corner, by the female face and arm. Her arm is moving to the viewer's left, and is holding a small face in her hand, cupping it. This cupping of another's face, is repeated in the Upper Left Corner detail by another, larger female, and a smaller, child-like character. It is also seen as two hands cupping the sides and top of the mysterious and abstracted face, that is a part of a trio of faces within the Lower Right Corner detail. This last face mentioned, has a singular eye.
Overall, I believe this drawing is illuminating. I have learned, through observation, that the less that "I" (self-conscious/ego-self) am involved, the more real things get.
A slowing of time within the perception of an expanded state of awareness.
While in the state of Heightened Awareness, through one-pointed focus, the experience of this drawing was unique. Specifically, I found characters "suddenly become obvious," in complete form, and simultaneously felt an expansion of my awareness., of which I felt increasingly aware of the moment of now. This was unique in that it seemed as though time changed; it was not just being "surfed," but actually felt as if it slowed. And, I saw through whole, completed characters, before I ever touched my pencil to the line. And these characters hovered in place, as if waiting upon my focus to each of their parts. It was like how it feels when you consciously realize something you were blind to. An ongoing, lovely epiphany.
A great example of a visual representation of how this expansion feels, and what it translates as upon the paper, in regard to character type, is seen in the central female, within the Lower Left Corner detail. She seems to have her left arm held straight out to her side, blocking a couple of characters from the supplicating woman on the right. Also, I read her right arm reaching forward and touching the woman again, at her right foot. None of this is planned. I just sit and watch what appears, with the majority of pieces and parts suddenly vibrating in my awareness and upon the paper at the same time. And, synchronistically, they always fit together in some relational way in my mind. I struck a steady pace, and was informed as I watched I always had just what I needed, when I needed it. As a result, there is so much information within this work, that it feels a challenge to read it as one whole. Overall, the drawing feels like it is telling me a story.
Spirit of God as the Anchor
Attaining an anchor within oneself is necessary, in order to understand how it feels to be experiencing physical reality, from the expanded view of one-pointed vision. The anchor for myself, is the realization of the Presence of God's Spirit within myself. I added a quote on the Home Page, that mentions this idea of singularity of vision, and the result for the experiencer of this sight. While Jesus was on earth, it was recorded by His followers that He said, "If thine eye be single, thy body will be filled with Light." The dependent clause, "If they eye be single," is a reference to the visual field experienced within meditation. The independent clause, "thy body will be filled with Light," is a reference to the awakening of consciousness to the single vision of spiritual reality, and if you have that singular spiritual vision, you can see this Light within the body - through meditation.
Through focus of the consciousness upon the Higher Place within, that one ascends toward, self-consciousness easily falls away, and what is left is a place within that is a Lighted Realm - the Spiritual Kingdom within oneself. (Things do not remain dark just because the eyes are closed!) Light is capitalized, as it represents the Spirit of God, and is the Ultimate Illumination of the Mind. The Kingdom of Heaven truly is within oneself, and this is literally understood through meditation and intent. This is a part of understanding that comes with a meditation practice. "If
Drawing as storytelling mechanism. The Higher Mind informs through subconscious imagery.
An overarching theme in the story of these characters, is the connection to Higher Mind, as indicated by a small arm reaching upward in the lower section of the Upper Left Corner detail. It was not until the last hour or so that this character, which stands to the right of the largest woman in the Left Lower Corner, that it became visible. Higher Mind is represented in the Upper Right Corner, by the female face and arm. Her arm is moving to the viewer's left, and is holding a small face in her hand, cupping it. This cupping of another's face, is repeated in the Upper Left Corner detail by another, larger female, and a smaller, child-like character. It is also seen as two hands cupping the sides and top of the mysterious and abstracted face, that is a part of a trio of faces within the Lower Right Corner detail. This last face mentioned, has a singular eye.
Overall, I believe this drawing is illuminating. I have learned, through observation, that the less that "I" (self-conscious/ego-self) am involved, the more real things get.
Upper left corner, detail
Lower left corner, detail
Upper right corner, detail
Lower right corner, detail
Entire Image, untitled, 7 1/4" x 6 1/2", graphite on watercolor paper
May.June 2020, Imagination - 24" x 18", Work Deconstruction Notes
The small drawing on the Work in Progress page, is continuing to capture my attention, so I was drawn to examine the art piece I am calling, "Imagination." It was where synchronicity led me. This larger work was the prelude to "Integration, it's not what you think."
Examination of "past" drawing, in order to realize more information:
What can be found, by examining what is perceived as the "past," is a bounty of gifts. I spent months working on this drawing, which measures 24" x 18." It began in the center, rolled outward to the right, and back down from there. From the furthermost left-bottom corner, it then came to a conclusion in the upper-left corner. It was an experience of focus within, that was sheer peace and tranquility. I spent days on each portion described above, with the whole experience blossoming over weeks, and then months. I enjoyed the process of drawing again so much, that when I felt this image was "completed" in whole, I sensed there was more to do with it, but my role as "transcriptionist" was completed.
At that time, I then hung it on the wall, and moved on to the next experiment. Now, I am putting this work here, as this website serves as my artist's notebook for this research. The writing and deconstruction helps me understand the parts in relation to the whole, conceptually.
The Parts as the Whole
These "sections" have been given names, and are listed below with the corresponding images. I feel that the pictures listed here, are images that do not need the "whole" drawing to be understood. They each are separate in their perceived roles. These roles have been given names and titles. I now realize this is reflective of my perception of "time" within the drawing. Also, the larger figures maintained relational size proportions to each other, and have more clarity than smaller images. This feels to have reversed in current work. In other words, smaller sections in this drawing from May.June, have less miniaturized detail of the work evolving now. The work now feels increased in a delicate quality, and then transforms into a holographic feel. The Whole Image is at the bottom.
The Body's Visual Field
There was a great pleasure found, in the devotion of my heart, to draw and discover more, in such a large visual field (24" x 18"); this was my experience. I say it like this because the visual field I experience, is reflective of my own perceived body size. Imagine hands and arms stretched straight in front of you, and then circle them in every direction. That is what I perceive of as the body's visual field. This is a perception from the "densest" level of my sense of being. I completely lose track of this bodily perception when my focus is in the Higher meditative state. Also, because the experience is intimate, I naturally lean forward, and feel as though my entire body is wrapped in a temporal energy field, like being wrapped in a bubble of love. It feels good.
The View
Because the mind strikes a meditative, expansive state while working in this way, it enables a clear view of everything perceived visually within oneself. But, I can only move my pencil at a certain rate, and there are sensations other than the seeing of the energy on the paper. It is this transfer-of-self from the body-consciousness/ego-consciousness, to the Higher State, that makes neutral this lowest, energetically, of all parts of the self. Physical body sensation declines tremendously while drawing; on the other hand, the abstract, expanded state-of-awareness achieved, oriented through one-pointed focus, results in the experience of sensing and seeing the "energy lines and shapes" appear on the paper.
Sensing Mode
In, let's call it, a "sensing mode," that bubble-of-energy I feel I am submersed within, enables a Universal State of Awareness. This realized state, is extremely subtle. This state helps to direct pressure of of the tip of the pencil. This aspect of "pressure," sensed in this state, is a perception that is a part of the process that speaks directly to the holographic nature of the mind, and of the often holographic nature of the resultant work. This "bubble perception of subtle pressure" is something that is multi-layered, increasing to the point of realized multi-dimensionality within the consciousness. A state of Universal Awareness creates the drawing; the body watches and transcribes.
The Music of My Heart
As I watch, it literally feels like I am composing something musical of sorts. It is the music of my heart, I suppose. It is not the physical heart that I mean. The "place" I am in, while I see like this and draw, is a place wherein I am given the opportunity to copy what I see as the observer of the Higher Self. The ego-self does not create this work. It is created through a co-creative understanding of Who I am In Total.
Have you ever wondered what You look like in Total?
The small drawing on the Work in Progress page, is continuing to capture my attention, so I was drawn to examine the art piece I am calling, "Imagination." It was where synchronicity led me. This larger work was the prelude to "Integration, it's not what you think."
Examination of "past" drawing, in order to realize more information:
What can be found, by examining what is perceived as the "past," is a bounty of gifts. I spent months working on this drawing, which measures 24" x 18." It began in the center, rolled outward to the right, and back down from there. From the furthermost left-bottom corner, it then came to a conclusion in the upper-left corner. It was an experience of focus within, that was sheer peace and tranquility. I spent days on each portion described above, with the whole experience blossoming over weeks, and then months. I enjoyed the process of drawing again so much, that when I felt this image was "completed" in whole, I sensed there was more to do with it, but my role as "transcriptionist" was completed.
At that time, I then hung it on the wall, and moved on to the next experiment. Now, I am putting this work here, as this website serves as my artist's notebook for this research. The writing and deconstruction helps me understand the parts in relation to the whole, conceptually.
The Parts as the Whole
These "sections" have been given names, and are listed below with the corresponding images. I feel that the pictures listed here, are images that do not need the "whole" drawing to be understood. They each are separate in their perceived roles. These roles have been given names and titles. I now realize this is reflective of my perception of "time" within the drawing. Also, the larger figures maintained relational size proportions to each other, and have more clarity than smaller images. This feels to have reversed in current work. In other words, smaller sections in this drawing from May.June, have less miniaturized detail of the work evolving now. The work now feels increased in a delicate quality, and then transforms into a holographic feel. The Whole Image is at the bottom.
The Body's Visual Field
There was a great pleasure found, in the devotion of my heart, to draw and discover more, in such a large visual field (24" x 18"); this was my experience. I say it like this because the visual field I experience, is reflective of my own perceived body size. Imagine hands and arms stretched straight in front of you, and then circle them in every direction. That is what I perceive of as the body's visual field. This is a perception from the "densest" level of my sense of being. I completely lose track of this bodily perception when my focus is in the Higher meditative state. Also, because the experience is intimate, I naturally lean forward, and feel as though my entire body is wrapped in a temporal energy field, like being wrapped in a bubble of love. It feels good.
The View
Because the mind strikes a meditative, expansive state while working in this way, it enables a clear view of everything perceived visually within oneself. But, I can only move my pencil at a certain rate, and there are sensations other than the seeing of the energy on the paper. It is this transfer-of-self from the body-consciousness/ego-consciousness, to the Higher State, that makes neutral this lowest, energetically, of all parts of the self. Physical body sensation declines tremendously while drawing; on the other hand, the abstract, expanded state-of-awareness achieved, oriented through one-pointed focus, results in the experience of sensing and seeing the "energy lines and shapes" appear on the paper.
Sensing Mode
In, let's call it, a "sensing mode," that bubble-of-energy I feel I am submersed within, enables a Universal State of Awareness. This realized state, is extremely subtle. This state helps to direct pressure of of the tip of the pencil. This aspect of "pressure," sensed in this state, is a perception that is a part of the process that speaks directly to the holographic nature of the mind, and of the often holographic nature of the resultant work. This "bubble perception of subtle pressure" is something that is multi-layered, increasing to the point of realized multi-dimensionality within the consciousness. A state of Universal Awareness creates the drawing; the body watches and transcribes.
The Music of My Heart
As I watch, it literally feels like I am composing something musical of sorts. It is the music of my heart, I suppose. It is not the physical heart that I mean. The "place" I am in, while I see like this and draw, is a place wherein I am given the opportunity to copy what I see as the observer of the Higher Self. The ego-self does not create this work. It is created through a co-creative understanding of Who I am In Total.
Have you ever wondered what You look like in Total?
God's Face. Perceived of Whole Image within Entire Image.
The Mermaid. Perceived as Whole Image within Entire Image.
Man's Image. Perceived as Whole Image within Entire Image.
God's Realm. Perceived as Whole Image, within Entire Image.
The Water Spirits. Perceived as Whole Section within the Entire Image.
The Female Spirit Within. Perceived as Whole Section within the Entire Image
Entire Image. Title: Imagination, unfinished work in progress, graphite on watercolor paper, 24" x 18".
September
9.8.20: Perspective Determines Reality, 10" x 13", graphite, sand and glue on watercolor paper
This was a fun experiment that happened in the middle of another drawing. Character type varies across the surface, with at least 7 types. I label these types by a determination of their visually similar qualities. For example, some characters seem flattened onto the paper. This may be the result of the random mark-making, combined with abstract shapes from glue removal. Other characters appear more fully three-dimensional, and still others vacillate in-between an identifiable lens, seeming to only hold a broad form, such as the body-forms near the bottom.
There seems to be a sense of some type of environment in the middle of the image, as though the collection of small, cartoon-like characters are in a fenced space of some sort. The "Detail Image" of the lower right section seems to show a new type of character within this space. The body forms found here feel as though they are in a multidimensional space, but unrealized fully. When I look at these particular figures that sit closest to the bottom of the image, and closest to any remaining sand that wasn't scraped off, I think of the concept of changing ideas about character form.
Above the central darkened face, there appears to be letters, although I cannot decipher what they are. This is a random development, and may have something to do with the size of eraser (mono eraser) that I was using. Nevertheless, an unusual small "couple" of faces developed just above these. Multiple times in working on this drawing, I found myself glancing across the surface, only to discover what appeared to be an attempt at writing letters. I remember before the age of four, acting as though I knew what I was doing, playing at writing words; that is what these language developments feel like - play.
There is a point while working in this way, that an image evolves, and then seems to disintegrate just as quickly. This happened quite a bit during this experiment. This evolution-cycle of sorts is an echo on the paper of what is actually happening "behind the scenes" in my own mind. When an image "collapses" into itself, I know another will evolve that is better, but it also feels as though, by the disintegration of an image, I am reminded of the moment of "now." In this moment, I sit and watch, and new lines and forms begin to appear in the newly cleared space on the paper... and I start again.
9.8.20: Perspective Determines Reality, 10" x 13", graphite, sand and glue on watercolor paper
This was a fun experiment that happened in the middle of another drawing. Character type varies across the surface, with at least 7 types. I label these types by a determination of their visually similar qualities. For example, some characters seem flattened onto the paper. This may be the result of the random mark-making, combined with abstract shapes from glue removal. Other characters appear more fully three-dimensional, and still others vacillate in-between an identifiable lens, seeming to only hold a broad form, such as the body-forms near the bottom.
There seems to be a sense of some type of environment in the middle of the image, as though the collection of small, cartoon-like characters are in a fenced space of some sort. The "Detail Image" of the lower right section seems to show a new type of character within this space. The body forms found here feel as though they are in a multidimensional space, but unrealized fully. When I look at these particular figures that sit closest to the bottom of the image, and closest to any remaining sand that wasn't scraped off, I think of the concept of changing ideas about character form.
Above the central darkened face, there appears to be letters, although I cannot decipher what they are. This is a random development, and may have something to do with the size of eraser (mono eraser) that I was using. Nevertheless, an unusual small "couple" of faces developed just above these. Multiple times in working on this drawing, I found myself glancing across the surface, only to discover what appeared to be an attempt at writing letters. I remember before the age of four, acting as though I knew what I was doing, playing at writing words; that is what these language developments feel like - play.
There is a point while working in this way, that an image evolves, and then seems to disintegrate just as quickly. This happened quite a bit during this experiment. This evolution-cycle of sorts is an echo on the paper of what is actually happening "behind the scenes" in my own mind. When an image "collapses" into itself, I know another will evolve that is better, but it also feels as though, by the disintegration of an image, I am reminded of the moment of "now." In this moment, I sit and watch, and new lines and forms begin to appear in the newly cleared space on the paper... and I start again.
Whole Image - Perspective Determines Reality
Detail Image, lower right, of Perspective Determines Reality
August
8/24/20 - What Now Feels Like, graphite on watercolor paper, 2 1/4" x 3 1/2", and Deconstructing Beliefs, graphite on watercolor paper, 2 1/4" x 3 1/2".
What Now Feels Like, Notes
Well, I feel I've experienced a breakthrough of sorts with electing to create something within the tiny space of 2 1/4 x 3 1/2. The meditative beginning of the finalization of images was extremely moving, and I had to stop and re-gather my focus. Being able to set aside conditioning regarding "appropriate" content one might find in the subconscious, is a consideration that rolls around in my mind - especially after the development of the image on the left in the most recent piece, What Now Feels Like. There is spiritual meaning of the image symbolically to me, and in relation to the overall work, so this particular image development justifies its own existence. It is only symbolic.
The title was "realized" before the scene was finalized, and I went with the feeling and committed to it. Now that I see what has evolved, I might have consciously changed the title, but after reflecting a bit, realize the original title resonates well enough to provide a platform for where I'd like another's conscious mind to start, before leaning forward in its attempt to understand and have its own interpretation, whatever that may be.
I found it curious, as I watched myself draw, that my hand, with the pencil at work and in tow, went completely outside of the prescribed shape I had assigned myself to draw within. As I did this, I stopped and sort of went through every visual lens I had, all while looking at that spot. I realized I was done, and in that realization, actually saw in my mind's eye, and experienced through all my five senses simultaneously, the mechanism at work here.
What I mean is that I experienced time and space as though my mind was projecting subtle windows of magnification within the space between my mind and the pencil line. I believe there is a construct of consciousness that is built something akin to an old-fashioned rotating door one might find in the lobby of a hotel. This invisible construct, depending on the inner movements of focus and perception, rotates not only in one direction, but through multi-dimensional copies of itself. It is in the focus upon, and perspective within this construct that provides clarity within the images I see.
I still feel like a child in regard to understanding the infinite possibilities and probabilities of consciousness unfolding. For myself, I watch it and am with it, conjoined in the space of this previously un-realized, illuminating invisible construct. I can finally conceptualize it adequately, and I realize this is a gift because it is powerful knowledge to be aware of oneself. By revisiting this realization in meditation, and sitting with it, more may be revealed and realized.
8/24/20 - What Now Feels Like, graphite on watercolor paper, 2 1/4" x 3 1/2", and Deconstructing Beliefs, graphite on watercolor paper, 2 1/4" x 3 1/2".
What Now Feels Like, Notes
Well, I feel I've experienced a breakthrough of sorts with electing to create something within the tiny space of 2 1/4 x 3 1/2. The meditative beginning of the finalization of images was extremely moving, and I had to stop and re-gather my focus. Being able to set aside conditioning regarding "appropriate" content one might find in the subconscious, is a consideration that rolls around in my mind - especially after the development of the image on the left in the most recent piece, What Now Feels Like. There is spiritual meaning of the image symbolically to me, and in relation to the overall work, so this particular image development justifies its own existence. It is only symbolic.
The title was "realized" before the scene was finalized, and I went with the feeling and committed to it. Now that I see what has evolved, I might have consciously changed the title, but after reflecting a bit, realize the original title resonates well enough to provide a platform for where I'd like another's conscious mind to start, before leaning forward in its attempt to understand and have its own interpretation, whatever that may be.
I found it curious, as I watched myself draw, that my hand, with the pencil at work and in tow, went completely outside of the prescribed shape I had assigned myself to draw within. As I did this, I stopped and sort of went through every visual lens I had, all while looking at that spot. I realized I was done, and in that realization, actually saw in my mind's eye, and experienced through all my five senses simultaneously, the mechanism at work here.
What I mean is that I experienced time and space as though my mind was projecting subtle windows of magnification within the space between my mind and the pencil line. I believe there is a construct of consciousness that is built something akin to an old-fashioned rotating door one might find in the lobby of a hotel. This invisible construct, depending on the inner movements of focus and perception, rotates not only in one direction, but through multi-dimensional copies of itself. It is in the focus upon, and perspective within this construct that provides clarity within the images I see.
I still feel like a child in regard to understanding the infinite possibilities and probabilities of consciousness unfolding. For myself, I watch it and am with it, conjoined in the space of this previously un-realized, illuminating invisible construct. I can finally conceptualize it adequately, and I realize this is a gift because it is powerful knowledge to be aware of oneself. By revisiting this realization in meditation, and sitting with it, more may be revealed and realized.
What Now Feels Like, graphite on watercolor paper, 2 1/4 x 3 1/2, 8/24/20
Deconstructing Beliefs, Notes
- Written on 8/24, after the completion of What Now Feels Like
This piece was a great experiment in size. My mind approached it as "enforced" or "restricted." A slightly disciplinarian tone was taken within myself, insisting this can be done. I truly feel all imagery I create is a gift: each one is a set of probabilities that have been visually computed from beyond my conscious mind, and as it arises on the surface of the paper. Initially, it seems to me that the paper itself provides the subtle matrix I feel my mind needs. Monotone surfaces work best, yet I can project and perceive the ever-present existence on the bathroom floor (who doesn't gaze at that once in a while?), the wall, and even in the middle of the air. These are very subtle qualities that are dynamics of perception - all those we can scientifically name, as well as those that have spiritual indices to give measure.
I believe this piece was the introduction to conscious consideration of character type. Conditioning provides every social participant a boundary system within to function. Here, I am deeply challenged by the seemingly cartoon-like individuals, as my social conditioning equates this with trivial Sunday-morning-cartoon-attempts at eliciting epiphanies (I think this may be an unconscious joke to myself!). This is not a criticism, but a background consideration, as the intention is that every drawing also function as a platform and opportunity to springboard forward. The images and experiences must be learnt from (whether perceived as beautiful or not), because inner spiritual indicator-mechanisms direct these less relevant considerations of "beauty."
I do not believe the goal is beauty, but instead to experience information transference, and in the transcription of it, consciousness is transformed. My drawings are tools with which I am teaching myself about the mechanisms of seeing within and beyond in this moment. This experience is the intimate, experiential expansion of the mind within the moment, and if it is delivered as a seeming-cartoon for now, I suspect the size, media, and purpose of the lesson were factors in cartoon-genre character-type development. I will attempt a different visual lens in conjunction with a larger size next.
Deconstructing Beliefs, graphite on watercolor paper, 2 1/4" x 3 1/2", 8/21/20
July 2020 Work:
The following drawing, titled, Integration: It's not what you think., took about three weeks to complete. I "took a break" from a much larger drawing, and completed this. The drawing is graphite on watercolor paper, and it measures 8" x 12". Details can be appreciated below. Please visit the Artist Statement page for more information on how these drawings are created. Side note: This drawing is currently a finalist piece in the competition "Art Explosion" in Michigan, which will be publicly judged between September 4-19, and awards dispersed on September 20, 2020. Check back to see how it fares!
Artwork Description:
This image contains two large faces, and countless individual representations of people and things. It's development is through a combination of a meditative state (maintaining an emotional state of equanimity about what I see), and then drawing only what I see, not what I think.
Illusions evolve through a play of line, form, tone, and pattern, causing visual geometric paradoxes. An example of an illusion I might see would be something like that experienced when viewing a Necker cube, a reversible figure (want to know more?, click here: Necker Cube). Further, illusions are situations when a perception differs from the generating stimulus in a meaningful, yet misleading way. An example might be a perspective drawing, which presents perfectly valid views that are conflicted when non-matching disparity clues are added (Westheimer, 2008). In perceiving the illusion, I am made aware of a mismatch of geometrical properties between an item in objective space, and its associated perception. This is the moment that paradox occurs, and is the moment in which I "see more deeply beyond the mark-making". Suddenly, there is the whole part that I need to uncover and reveal, and I make minimal adjustments to reveal it completely. The most important aspect of this artwork is the process employed to discover the larger visual images "behind and within" the marks, which evolves into the images you see.
Citation Source: Westheimer, G. (2008, July 07). Illusions in the spatial sense of the eye: Geometrical–optical illusions and the neural representation of space. Retrieved July 08, 2020, from https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0042698908002800
The following drawing, titled, Integration: It's not what you think., took about three weeks to complete. I "took a break" from a much larger drawing, and completed this. The drawing is graphite on watercolor paper, and it measures 8" x 12". Details can be appreciated below. Please visit the Artist Statement page for more information on how these drawings are created. Side note: This drawing is currently a finalist piece in the competition "Art Explosion" in Michigan, which will be publicly judged between September 4-19, and awards dispersed on September 20, 2020. Check back to see how it fares!
Artwork Description:
This image contains two large faces, and countless individual representations of people and things. It's development is through a combination of a meditative state (maintaining an emotional state of equanimity about what I see), and then drawing only what I see, not what I think.
Illusions evolve through a play of line, form, tone, and pattern, causing visual geometric paradoxes. An example of an illusion I might see would be something like that experienced when viewing a Necker cube, a reversible figure (want to know more?, click here: Necker Cube). Further, illusions are situations when a perception differs from the generating stimulus in a meaningful, yet misleading way. An example might be a perspective drawing, which presents perfectly valid views that are conflicted when non-matching disparity clues are added (Westheimer, 2008). In perceiving the illusion, I am made aware of a mismatch of geometrical properties between an item in objective space, and its associated perception. This is the moment that paradox occurs, and is the moment in which I "see more deeply beyond the mark-making". Suddenly, there is the whole part that I need to uncover and reveal, and I make minimal adjustments to reveal it completely. The most important aspect of this artwork is the process employed to discover the larger visual images "behind and within" the marks, which evolves into the images you see.
Citation Source: Westheimer, G. (2008, July 07). Illusions in the spatial sense of the eye: Geometrical–optical illusions and the neural representation of space. Retrieved July 08, 2020, from https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0042698908002800
Detail shots of the above drawing: Integration: It's not what you think.
Past Work:
2015: The drawing below is titled Happiness . It was published as the cover art in Western Nevada College's Wildcat Review, December Issue.
1996-1997 - the same developmental process was used, but understanding of what was happening when I drew was limited.
